Friends

There is so much of popular curiosity, interest and anxiety about artificial intelligence and what role it will play in our lives.

I have been thinking about this and asking myself this question: what role would I want AI to play in my life? And more importantly, do I have a say in making that choice or will it just invade my life?

I ask this question especially because my understanding of AI is that it has a lot to do with the cognitive abilities. What I treasure and value immensely about myself is my cognitive abilities and to believe that someone else will prevail over my cognitive abilities and think on my behalf is a matter of concern.

So when I look at my relationship with AI, from a position and power perspective, I can see three possibilities:

The worst possibility is that AI rules my life, takes over and becomes my boss.

The best possible position is that AI is my assistant and just makes things more efficient for me.

A possible healthy position is that AI is my sparring partner – I think, AI thinks and then I figure out what I’d like to go with.

I’d like to stay with these possibilities.

I genuinely believe that I have the power to choose what role AI will play in my life, for most part.

I would not like to see a situation where we as humans let AI think for us. If the famous words of French Philosopher René Descartes, “I think, therefore I am” is true, then I will no longer be, if AI thinks for me.

Happy 2025.

Youtube Link: https://youtu.be/03jGJjBI5qU

“Just like a vaccine, we introduce the new behaviour in short doses and keep at it until the benefits of the new behaviour more than compensate for the loss of the old one!”

Jan 1

You: I am going to go to the gym every day.

Your Mind – Good thought! Seems like a good decision.

Jan 2

You: Yay, I did it and now I am going to do it again.

Your mind: Yes, not bad…

Jan 3

You: They say you need to take a break on the third day for your muscles to recover

Your mind: That makes sense…it’s been quite hectic managing work and the gym and everything else.

Jan 4

You: I should go to the gym today…

Your mind: Hmmm are you sure this is working for you? You seem more tired than energised… anyway, your call.

Jan 5

You: Time to go to the gym again.

Your mind: Do you really think you can keep this up? Everyday? Do you realise this means you need to get up early? Which means you need to sleep early…. which means you give up all the fun stuff you look forward to once you are back home. How are you going to chill after a stressful day?

You: Oh dear. I don’t like being stressed. I do need to chill

Your mind: Exactly! Mental peace is so important, right?

You: If I am not mentally at peace, all the exercise in the world is of no use. You are right. I need to prioritise
Your mind: Absolutely!

If conversations such as these are familiar to you, you are already conversant with the concept of Immunity to Change introduced by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. A framework that we often refer to while coaching for change.

Just like our immune system is activated when a virus enters our body, we have an immune system that gets activated every time we try to bring in a change in our behaviour.

The mind likes predictability, comfort and pleasure. Therefore, every change is viewed as a threat and is resisted with great force.

This mental immune system consists of our mindset, our beliefs, our habits and our fears. For example, thinking: “I am just not a morning person” or “I have tried this and failed before” can effectively stop change in its tracks.

The way to work around this is to first make our peace with these thoughts.

We do have some benefits accruing out of our old behaviour. Our thoughts are valid. What are we losing when we try to introduce new behaviours? How do we recover the benefits our old one gave us?

Just like a vaccine, we introduce the new behaviour in short doses and keep at it until the benefits of the new behaviour more than compensate for the loss of the old one! Small successes matter and need to be celebrated. They need to add up till you finally normalise the change you want to demonstrate.

Do look at making the new behaviour more enjoyable. Going to the gym may be a pain but going with a friend is fun! Or maybe it is not the gym but Zumba that is your exercise of choice…

Take that first step. Buy that pair of track pants. Find that friend. Fight the immunity.

There is something beautiful and exciting about a new year that makes all of us want to start afresh.

Here’s to more meaningful new beginnings that can lead to better tomorrows!

Author: Archana Edward Madhavan, Director, CFI Research and Insights Cell

About the Author

Archana is responsible for driving CFI’s action-research efforts to constantly improve our practices. She creates, curates, and publishes tools, guides, and other models and methods to bring the cutting edge to all CFI’s practices.

One dimension of a leader’s responsibility which seldom receives the attention it deserves is around employee relations.

Every leader is confronted with two possible ways in which to shape that relationship. One is to shape it around what is called reciprocity and the other is to shape it around a marketplace orientation.

Reciprocity really means that there will be a certain amount of give and take, mutual exchange of support, care, trust and a long-term orientation. A certain emotional investment.

Employees are told, albeit tacitly that you give your best and we will do our best to take care of you. That we will invest in your development. That it is possible to pursue employment with a long-term orientation. That we will take a fair view about performance ups and downs, that we will try as far as possible not to pass on all the risks of doing business to you, especially if you are not at a senior level and so on.

In return employees give their best, their commitment, do everything that they can to serve the organization. This is really the whole principle of reciprocity which shapes the employee relations narrative of many organizations.

Then comes the marketplace-oriented relationship. Here the risk of doing business is passed on entirely to employees, which means that in a difficult phase, we will not necessarily protect the interests of employees. We may downsize, we may restructure, we may ask employees to leave. Relationship is seen as a market transaction where both are clear about the formal terms of engagement. There are no emotions, and where trust is replaced by a contract, goals, KRAs and so on.

Every new leader in some ways ends up shaping these choices. Often times the Board that hired the leader may mandate that the existing reciprocity orientation be replaced with some level of market place orientation.

On a rare occasion, we find leaders taking the decision to replace market orientation with reciprocity.

Therefore, here are my questions to leaders across levels:

What stance would you like the Board or investors and executive leadership to take with you the leader? Reciprocity or market place? Would you value emotional investment, give and take, trust, care and support?

Can we have a little bit of this and a little bit of that?

Can we provide the much-needed psychological safety in a marketplace-oriented culture?

What is our understanding of the motivational drivers of our employees? Can we engage employees without a relationship?

My position is that the best organisations are built on the principle of reciprocity. An organisation’s relationship with its employees cannot be a commercial transaction. This is also the Indian way too.

After all reciprocity is interdependence.

Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/xl8_xd3p0kM

“If you can follow these five steps you can manage your brand and build it into a true asset. And it is not at all difficult.”

I was explaining to my Coachee the importance of building her personal brand. She was not sure how to go about it. Her other doubt was that it was too complex. I told her to take out a sheet of paper and put down five words that would describe her personal brand. For ease I put a list of 100 words in front of her to pick from. This took a few minutes. She was finally happy with the five words she had chosen to describe her personal  brand.

This is the beginning, I explained. Oh, so there is a lot more to be done? Where is the time? was the next complaint. Well, for one the process is not too complex with hundreds of steps. There are just five steps. You have taken the first step, I added.

What are the next four? She asked. Describing your personal brand in four or five words is fine, but is that what people see of you? The second step is to verify if what you say is also true to the others around you. Pick two people who will be honest and candid with you. Ask them to validate what you have said. If they disagree then ask them how they will describe your personal brand. At the end you will have four or five words that stand for your personal brand.

The third step is to ensure that you are reflecting this in all that you do. From the way you dress to the way you speak to the way you write. You have to imbibe your personal brand values in your ‘excutive presence’ and ‘executive voice’. If you want to come through as an analytical person with a sense of humour, are you living it? Do your presentations have a touch of humour?

The fourth step is to amplify the personal brand through multiple touch points. This could include being active in industry circles. Taking guest sessions in B Schools or client organizations. It definitely includes keeping your social media profile up to date.

The final step is to keep monitoring your personal brand and making changes when necessary. You may have joined a new company which is publicity shy. Then you cannot continue your guest speaking engagements without a clearance from corporate comm team, to name just one guard rail.

If you can follow these five steps you can manage your brand and build it into a true asset. And it is not at all difficult. Remember, “your personal brand is what people say about you when you are not in the room”, a quote attributed to Jeff Bezos.

This concludes my six part series on Personal Branding, written exclusively for Coaching Foundation of India. If you enjoyed this, go back and read the other five. You may then want to take control of your personal brand and build it the way you want to be perceived, and not leave it to happenstance.  Happy personal brand building!

About the Author

Ambi Parameswaran is a CFI Certified CEO Coach and a best selling author of 12 books. His latest book ‘All the World’s a Stage’ is a personal branding story.

While acronyms like VUCA and BANI were intended to describe the complexities of the world we live in, I often felt they were inadequate to describe what I was personally going through as I encountered specific moments of this nature.

So, I came up with the term WIGO moments – What Is Going On moments! I am using this acronym to describe moments when I personally found myself asking, “What is going on?” Moments when I was unable to fully comprehend events, occurrences and behaviours of people around me and societal issues that people around the world were grappling with and talking about.

Well, to be fair, this phrase has been used by many in similarly perplexing times including American singer-songwriter and musician, Marvin Gaye. (more about that later).

As I look back, I believe 2024 was filled with several what is going on moments for me. Moments that I found hard to comprehend.

That the US elections were won and lost not just on economics but also in good measure based on what Americans valued and what shaped their culture was a WIGO moment.

(The study conducted by Pew Research Center offers some great insights on the critical cultural issues facing the nation: gun ownership; the legacy of slavery; being open to people from all over the world; sexual identity being different from what is assigned at birth; the criminal justice system; the place of marriages and children; the place of religion in government; how gains made by women in society are viewed; abortion rights; whether AI is good or bad for life; talking openly about mental health and wellbeing).

https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2024/06/06/cultural-issues-and-the-2024-election/

The view that Wokeism, the woke wave and woke culture which peaked in 2020 is declining rapidly is a WIGO moment. (someone defined wokeism nicely as the view that we can change the world by changing the way we talk about it). Between being completely insensitive about how we talk about important issues and walking on egg shells about every word one utters, is there a middle path, I wonder because words do create worlds.

The completion of GE’s split into three companies and the sale of its fabled Crotonville campus in April 2024 was a WIGO moment. Has the approach to learning changed or was Crotonville viewed as excess, I wonder. The larger question I often grapple with in the context of GE is this: are we still influenced by the Great Man Theory of leadership or are we done with it. After late Jack Welch, I have not see any other leader worshipped or written about as much.

The unending war between Isreal and the Hamas and Russia and Ukraine and other simmering conflicts among neighboring countries and the loss of thousands of innocent lives has been a WIGO moment. How helplessly the world has turned a mute spectator to this horrific situation is scary.

The world’s faith in India and its economy as a shining sign of hope not matching up with the common Indian’s street view of economic, social and environmental progress is a WIGO moment. Daily news about rich business owners buying up premium properties appearing side by side with frontline employees being fired adds to these WIGO moments.

That 2024 was a record year for IPOs in India and the list included some intriguing entries is a WIGO moment. Similarly, the collapse of Byjus and its valuation dropping from $22 billion to zero is a WIGO moment.

Do we see greed and disparities as serious enough issues or as mere conversations topics, I wonder.

The fear among many that AI will outsmart them is a WIGO moment. That the dangers it can cause are not being debated hard and taken seriously is another WIGO moment. That so much money is being poured into something about which we do not yet fully comprehend is really WIGO.

As I look at organisations, I find that leaders are being evaluated and measured on their ability to manage their WIGO moments and make progress. Leaders are clearly struggling to understand and engage with employees across generations. Each of their interactions with gen next is a WIGO moment. That Mr. Narayana Murthy continues to be asked to explain and defend his position on long work hours is an interesting example. At a larger level, can the lack of trust in leaders and their institutions be ascribed to these developments across the globe, I wonder.

As I hear more and more people talk about spirituality, inner work, mental health and well-being, I see some connection. In a WIGO world, mastery over self is the only thing we can do.

It is interesting that the recently launched book The Journey of Leadership by four Senior Partners of McKinsey talks about how CEOs must learn to lead from the Inside Out. It emphasizes qualities like humility, selflessness, vulnerability, courage, openness and empathy.

I believe that counsellors, therapists and coaches will be doing more and more Inner work to help their clients deal with this external chaos, these WIGO moments.

I wish each one of you and your families very happy holidays and pray that 2025 is filled with lots of success and happiness and fewer WIGO moments!

“In the world of business today, I find there are some behaviours that leaders exhibit which ward off other people –  so can be called aposematic.

On top of the pile in my view:

• The Forbidding Demeanour”

Porcupines, poison dart frogs and ladybirds – what they have in common is aposematism.
Aposematism refers to the strategy adopted by some animals to have bright colours, spines or other indicators to potential predators, basically saying “Keep Away”.

[The origin of the theory is a fascinating story of collaboration between Charles Darwin, Alfred Russel Wallace and John Weir in the years 1867 – 1869. It beautifully demonstrates the value of interplay between curiosity/ “I wonder why?” (Darwin), imagination/ “Maybe because …” (Wallace) and experimentation/ “What data will reveal the truth?” (Weir). But that’s another story.]

In the world of business today, I find there are some behaviours that leaders exhibit which ward off other people – team members, peers, stakeholders and so on – and so can be called aposematic.

Two behaviours are on top of the pile in my view:

• The Forbidding Demeanour
• I’m Busy, Can’t You See?

In this, the first of two parts, I’ll discuss The Forbidding Demeanour.

Part 1: The Forbidding Demeanour

       At 360changemagic I have processed many thousands of 360º feedback surveys in the past few years. One of the behavioural areas that invariably bubbles up as an issue is labelled “Emotions Management.” In the explanatory comments the single most often mentioned emotion is anger – losing one’s cool, shouting at others, constantly interrupting people, over-aggressive reactions, and bad language. The leader holds up a board saying “Beware – Tiger Sleeping Within” and no one wants to poke that tiger.

Some examples of this demeanour are:

1. “Once you get to know him he is fine – but at the beginning, people are afraid to approach him”. Leaders set up huge invisible barriers for others (especially newer team members) to interact with them. It is almost a rite of passage, some sort of initiation ‘test’ that people have to pass before they can reach the elixir of a meeting with the leader.

Consequently, such leaders miss out on opportunities to understand fresh (and perhaps different) perspectives from ‘new’ people, build organisational alignment (attrition is typically highest in the 6m – 12m band), or develop a rapport with the team.

2. “You better get your data right, your analysis perfect, your presentation absolutely error-free … else she will tear you apart”. Not only does this inhibit engagement, it also forces people to waste a lot of time doing multiple versions, chasing that elusive ‘perfection’.

While it is good to set high standards and benchmarks, “tearing people apart” if they do not reach those benchmarks is counter-productive.

3. Listening is very poor, and people hesitate to speak. There are possible reasons quoted for this:
   • “He has made up his mind before the start”
   • “She reacts too fast without fully understanding the other’s point”
   • “He believes he knows the solution or right answer, so cuts down any other voice saying anything different”
   • “She only hears what she wants to hear – brushes off anything else”
   • “Very hard to have a conversation with him, it is almost always just one-way”

There are enough and more posts, videos, business gurus, role model leaders and teachers out there who shout themselves hoarse about how important listening is to a leader and his/ her effectiveness; there is no need for me to add to all that strident wisdom here.

4. Behaviour is demeaning of others, often in subtle ways.
   • “She will pull up people loudly and publicly when things go wrong, but never supports/ appreciates/ motivates them at any time”
   • “He uses bad/ harsh language in professional settings, is often rude/ boorish to others”
   • “She makes negative comments about the person, rather than staying focused on the problem/ error”
   • “He demonstrates very high self-importance – “My way or highway”, “I know everything, you listen to me”, “I am the boss around here, know that” and so on”

Repel ⬄ Attract

Aposematic strategies in the natural world were confusing at first because Darwin and others believed the bright colours and conspicuous visible elements would attract rather than repel … attract sexual mates, attract predators too. Weir’s experiments proved that their primary function was to repel not attract.

• Do such leaders believe that their behaviour is somehow attractive? In that it shows how important they are, or how powerful?
• Are they under some delusion that the Machiavellian notion of “leading by fear” is still relevant today, after hundreds of years?
  • In high-power-distance cultures like India, this phenomenon is amplified by the notion of ‘seniority’ and how people higher in the hierarchy should remain unquestioned about their dysfunctional behaviour.

There are many concerns

Whether intentional or not, engagement is blocked with such behaviours. For many reasons that is concerning:

• There is huge value in engagement. People today are smarter than they were in the past. The magnitude of impact of the internet, social media and now ChatGPT on people and society is undoubtedly huge. Information is at one’s fingertips, literally. But for all this smartness to be leveraged within the context of an organisation, even a team – engagement is crucial. Blocking off that source of collective meaning-making makes no sense at all.
• Generation-based gaps in understanding need to be reduced. Many leaders I’ve met are worried about “How to manage the current generation?” (I’ve lost track of the alphabets). Clearly, leaders need to understand them better, understand their philosophy of life, understand their stances related to work and work-life balance, their priorities and concerns. Any leader should be looking for ways to engage more, understand more – and not throttle opportunities to engage.
• Building a culture of belonging is taking centre stage. Today’s post-pandemic world is forcing organisations to battle with high attrition rates. Building a sense of belongingness is becoming increasingly difficult – all the more so with practices such as WFH. In such times, it is crucial to build a culture of engagement and inclusion, and leaders would do well to foster interaction rather than limit it.

The simple and clear message for leaders is – build engagement. Not just ‘top down’ but ‘bottom up’ and ‘sideways’ too. Don’t engage in behaviours that repel people from engaging with you.

Author – Dr Anand Kasturi, CFI Coach

About the Author

Anand Kasturi is an award winning Consultant Trainer and Executive Coach with over 20 years of experience in areas of customer centricity/services management. He has run workshops in countries spanning Asia-Pacific, Australia, UK, Germany and the USA.

“A network has to be wide and deep. You need to know people from different domains and some of them should be known to you well enough to just call”

‘My network is quite good’ said the Coachee. I asked him to create a diagram of all his top 10 network connections and their connections with each other. It transpired that what he called a network was nothing but a collection of his current and past colleagues. I pushed him hard and asked him if he attended any networking events in his industry, which incidentally was notorious for having multiple industry conclaves and seminars. He ‘pooh poohed ‘the idea of attending any such events ‘I don’t want to distribute my visiting cards to random managers’. Okay, I said. Let us try and see how wide and deep is your network. ‘Wide and Deep?’ was the question from my coachee. Yes I replied. A network has to be wide and deep. You need to know people from different domains and some of them should be known to you well, for you [or them] to pick up the phone and ask for a favour.

I then explained how young college drop out Bill Gates landed a contract to do the disk operating system for the to be launched IBM PC in the year 1981.

The legend has it that Bill Gates’ mother Mary Gates who was a very successful banker was also on the governing board of a not-fo- profit organization called United Way. There she got to meet a diverse set of business leaders. One of them was a senior manager from IBM, John Akers. It was John Akers who asked Mary Gates what her son was up to. ‘Having dropped out of college, he is in the garage doing something he says is called ‘software’’ was the answer from Mary Gates. ‘Well we may need folks like him. Ask him to come to New York and I will get him to meet with our team that is working on a new IBM personal  computer’ said John Akers. And as they say rest is history. When I checked last month Microsoft’s market cap was almost 30 times that of IBM. And it all started with the MS DOS that Microsoft developed for IBM PC in 1981. And the introduction happened through the network of Mary Gates, who had a wide and deep network.

If you want to build your personal brand to achieve a greater level of success, networking is not something that should be ‘pooh poohed’. List fifteen people who you think are in your network, who you can call for a spot of help. Are they very ‘self similar’: same kind of education, same kind of job? Then your network is not wide enough. Time to go out there and expand the network. Join a local running club. Go play golf. Join a not-for-profit. Be active in your alma mater. There are so many ways to expand your network. But remember, you need to be sincere about what you are doing. Showing up one day only to disappear for the next year is not the right way. Happy networking. Happy personal brand building.

About the Author

Ambi Parameswaran is a CFI Certified CEO Coach and a best selling author of 12 books. His latest book ‘All the World’s a Stage’ is a personal branding story.

“There is a weird belief especially in corporate circles, that if one is busy then one is productive. Busy-ness is seen as a virtue. In a leader, projecting this behaviour can be read as ‘keep away’.”

Aposematism refers to the strategy adopted by some animals to have bright colours, spines or other indicators to potential predators, basically saying “Keep Away”.

Two behaviours are on top of the pile in my view:

• The Forbidding Demeanour
• I’m Busy, Can’t You See?

In this, the second part, I’ll discuss “I’m Busy, Can’t You See?”

Part 2: I’m Busy, Can’t You See?

The second frequently recurring aposematic behaviour is the sense leaders give to the people around them that they are busy, overloaded, with no time at all to spare for any interaction.

Their schedules are chock-a-block full. They run from one meeting to another. They are constantly on their phones (some have multiple phones, to rub the point in further).

Depending on the culture of the organisation, and their seniority, leaders may also have PAs or secretaries who act as physical barriers, not easily allowing people into the “hallowed presence” of the Busy One. Only if someone has something very important to say or ask can they get access – and that too for a very small window of time.

Others have published online calendars, which are always fully booked, with very little squeeze room for any freewheeling interaction. With the widespread prevalence of WFH/ hybrid models of working, this issue is exacerbated to a huge degree.

Busy-ness = Virtue?

One possible reason why this type of aposematic leader may do this is the weird belief that if one is busy then one is productive. Busy-ness is seen as a virtue. Busy-ness is equated to being productive. And on the contrary, people who have “free time” are seen as being lazy, or even superfluous to requirements.

There’s an old training activity (been around for decades) where individuals are given a sheet of paper with a list of numbered instructions and are told “You have only one minute to complete this”. The list starts with two simple instructions – “Read everything first”, and “Write your name on the top left of this page”) but gets more involved as one goes ahead (e.g. “Stand up and say aloud – I am nearly finished”). At the end, the last instruction is “Now that you have read all the instructions, do only #1 and #2 in this list”.

In all groups that I have worked with over three decades, people invariably start acting on the instructions without waiting to read all of them first (although that’s the first instruction!). There is a seductive pull that action extends – far stronger than the allure of sitting quietly and reading everything before doing anything.

Impact is problematic

Whether intentional or not, engagement is blocked with such behaviours. For many reasons that is concerning:

• There is huge value in engagement. People today are smarter than they were in the past. The magnitude of impact of the internet, social media and now ChatGPT on people and society is undoubtedly huge. Information is at one’s fingertips, literally. But for all this smartness and impact to be leveraged within the context of an organisation, even a team – engagement is crucial. Blocking off that source of collective meaning-making makes no sense at all.
• Generation-based gaps in understanding need to be reduced. I’ve spoken with so many leaders who are worried about “How to manage the current generation?” (I’ve lost track of the alphabets). Clearly, there is a desire to understand them better, understand their philosophy of life, understand their stances related to work and work-life balance, their priorities and concerns. Any leader should be looking for ways to engage more, understand more – and not throttle opportunities to engage.
• Building a culture of belonging is taking centre stage. Today’s post-pandemic world is forcing organisations to battle with high attrition rates. Building a sense of belongingness is becoming increasingly difficult – all the more so with practices such as WFH. In such times, it is crucial to build a culture of engagement and inclusion, and leaders would do well to foster interaction rather than limit it.

On the other hand, freewheeling conversations, shooting the breeze, having agenda-free meetings just to catch up and share + listen are all powerful ways to build relationships, expand horizons, make connections, even just ‘be human’. In modern terminology it is called ‘hanging’ – although the name sounds bizarre, it’s a wonderful social ritual.

The aposematic leader living “I’m Busy Can’t You See” misses out on all this.

The dangerous part is that this aposematism can extend to personal relationships and the family too! I saw an anonymous quote on social media: “In 25 years the only ones who will remember how busy you were will be the family you never had time for.” True, dat.

Solutions

Here are just a few ways to get you going/ thinking … there are lots more.

• Be aware of how ‘forbidding’ you come across as. Work with a coach to identify and implement changes in practices and beliefs by which you come across as being less “forbidding” and more “engaging”.
• Prioritise “engagement” as a goal/ activity for you and your role as a leader.
• Schedule “agenda-free” open discussion times with team members – singly and/ or in small groups. Just shoot the breeze with them.
• Force yourself to switch off your phone when you meet/ engage. Pretend you’re on a flight. Set up Voice Mail on your phone, so that important callers can be got back to.
• Walk around, chat up with people where they work, spend time at the “bottom of the business” – you’ll understand the ground realities, your employees, and likely even customers much better.

Author – Anand Kasturi, CFI Coach

About the Author

Anand Kasturi is an award winning Consultant Trainer and Executive Coach with over 20 years of experience in areas of customer centricity/services management. He has run workshops in countries spanning Asia-Pacific, Australia, UK, Germany and the USA.

“The comfort zone makes one feel that everything is fine, that you are the jack of all trades and you are doing everything right. But what it does to you without you realising is it kills your risk appetite, and holds you back from moving ahead as a leader”

There is a place that is so mesmerising that once discovered, many stay there all their lives. This is the comfort zone, otherwise known as ‘the status quo.’  This is a place that holds all that is familiar, the already faced challenges and the ready answers. To many people it is a much desired place,  unless they are leaders, in which case stepping out of the comfort zone is imperative.

Comfort zone going by the dictionary means “a psychological state in which things from the environment are close and familiar to a person and under their control, enabling low levels of stress and anxiety”. Alternately, “a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress.”

What’s discomfiting about being too comfortable?

When the chair is too comfortable, the pleasure of sinking into it is high, but it comes with the cost of losing agility and dynamism. Leaders need to constantly be one upon change and innovation to make their organizations contemporary and ready for the future. Staying in the comfort zone builds a fear of rocking the boat, taking risks, even when sitting at sea means facing a storm.

A leader in the comfort zone is tuned to only hearing what’s safe and familiar,  blindsiding them from valuable feedback and criticism, making it difficult to create or sustain a strong leadership led culture.

The comfort zone – a place of bliss, or danger?

On the surface it sounds positive and perhaps looks like what one should aim for. After all, a stress free zone is best for leaders and employees, right? Why do we then expect someone in a professional environment to step out of their comfort zones?  This is what we will try to look deeper into in this article.

Let’s start with an example. If you have broadly followed the evolution of cricket as a sport in India, you will know this. In the 80s, a sure way for a batsman to get a place in the Indian team was to play exceedingly well in the domestic tournaments, against first class bowlers. Many of the chosen batsmen were indeed the ones who made big scores against spin bowlers, on flat pitches,  and got selected to play for India. But, at the international level, with pace bowlers pounding down the pitch, they failed miserably. Only very few of the batsmen could survive at the global level, and that was because they were intrinsically adept at playing fast bowlers.

For all other batsmen, playing on home pitches against slow bowlers was their comfort zone. It could give them an entry but not help them survive at international levels.

Stepping out is imperative

The comfort zone makes one feel that everything is fine, that you are the jack of all trades and you are doing everything right. But what it does to you without you realising is it kills your risk appetite, limits your behaviours, prevents you from learning, not letting you push yourself to become better. You almost become like a pampered child, a batsman who keeps hitting the slow bowlers on a flat pitch.

Leaders in a familiar environment with the same teams never get any tough feedback, are made to think they are always right. The comfort zone actually creates a cozy cocoon around the Leaders.

When a leader realizes that they are getting too comfortable at taking the easier options, even if they’re not the best, they should figure out that  it’s time to step right out.

Quite often when Coaches are identifying strengths and areas of development for their Leader Coachees, they discover that one of the main reasons for the Coachees to be blinkered about their shortcomings, and not understand outside perspectives are the direct results of continuously  staying in comfort zones.

How to step out of your comfort zone?

Challenge yourself

The first step to take is to challenge yourself. Leaders should not assume what they do is always right. They should question their own decisions, think long term, not just to solve the problem on hand. A safe conservative coder stops once the piece of code works. A thinking coder doesn’t stop there, he or she tries alternative codes to achieve speed, efficiency, code stability etc. Same applies to Leaders.

Be open for opposing or contrasting views

A confident leader is willing to receive alternate opinions from others outside the team. Good Leaders recognise the capabilities of team members and other colleagues, draw upon their knowledge and come out with the best solutions possible, and not get fixed on their own solutions alone. Doing this has several advantages; it’s easier to build consensus and push for ideas;  and, bring others on board and build a conviction around major decisions.

Let’s look at the Moon landing of India. After the first failure ISRO decided to try again. To go for Chandrayaan was not a top-down decision alone but one that the whole organization was convinced they should go for. Several Leaders needed to get out of their comfort zone to be part of this mission. The nation could see the commitment of the entire team both when the project failed and then succeeded. However what was more apparent was that the risk appetite of the team leaders encouraged the entire team to reach higher, to greater heights.

Change is a key factor

Leaders who step out of roles they have played for a long time and take up new roles in a new environment, ones that they are unfamiliar with, represent simple yet profound instances of stepping out of comfort zones. In challenging their own status quo, a confident leader sees the opportunity to learn afresh, discover their leadership capabilities in newer terrains, and add freshness to the new role they have taken up.

In Government portfolios, we have seen that unexpected changes in the portfolios of Ministers and Bureaucrats have yielded high degrees of success.

Starts with me

So, let’s look at ourselves, are we too comfortable with what we are doing today? Are we too set on what we do day after day? Then it’s time to create a disruption right away.

Author – Sriram TV, CFI Coach

About the Author

Sriram is a Leadership coach focused on business acceleration, talent management and people leadership. He is a Management Consultant and the Practice Head of Prominent Mind Consultants.

He has been Vice President of a strong multinational company – HR Strategy, and Head of Human Resources.

“Transition coaching provides tailored guidance to help leaders quickly gain confidence, navigate their unique challenges, and align their strengths with their new role’s demands”

Rohan (name changed) a bright, well-educated and dynamic professional in his late thirties, had recently moved into a new role as CEO of a mid-sized IT services company, part of a renowned financial services conglomerate. He was one of the youngest CEOs in the group and had made it to that position by the dint of his exceptional performance.

However, having transitioned from operational and execution heavy roles to this high-stakes leadership position, Rohan, for the first time in his career, faced a landscape riddled with so many challenges and opportunities.

This transition  required him to shift from an operational mindset to developing strategic leadership skills, managing a large team and its dynamics and delivering some quick wins.

Rohan’s excitement about his promotion was soon tempered by the harsh realities of his new responsibilities. The business unit was in the red and the pressure to perform was immense. He was still getting to know the team and figuring out the dynamics.  

Recognizing his need for support to settle down effectively in his new role, Rohan’s organization sought the help of a coach specifically to help him through this tough transition and set him up for success.

Coaching for Transition 

Coaching for a smooth transition  is a vital support mechanism for executives stepping into new, high-stakes roles. The shift from functional expertise to strategic leadership can be challenging, as new executives often face heightened expectations, unfamiliar responsibilities, and complex team dynamics. Transition coaching provides tailored guidance to help leaders quickly gain confidence, navigate their unique challenges, and align their strengths with their new role’s demands, accelerates the settling-in process and empowers leaders to drive sustainable success from the outset.

This transition coaching case illustrates how Rohan overcame his struggles and  challenges with patience and timely coaching support.

Current Reality vs New Role demands

I found Rohan warm, open and  keen to commence his coaching journey. Referring to his early background, he spoke about his nomadic childhood and the challenges he faced  growing up and attending different schools.  Of particular significance was his having to face  ridicule and being bullied by classmates on account of his accent and appearance. He had a supportive family but peer approval was important to him and he used to try every trick in the book to win them over.

These experiences had shaped him into an empathetic leader, though driven by a constant need for approval. Despite his strong analytical and people skills, Rohan often struggled under pressure.

His default leadership style was one of trying to win over people by being a nice guy and a pleaser but in his new role as CEO , this was not serving him well. He had a large team of senior leaders reporting to him who were looking up to him for direction and finding ways to set the business back on track. There were some quick and tough decisions that he needed to take regarding people as well the business. Managing the stress arising out of handling his new role demands was affecting his performance and decision-making abilities.

He needed to show he was up to the task and not lose the confidence of the team, management and the board.

Discovering the Depths: Unveiling Insights

To better understand Rohan’s strengths and developmental needs, especially in the context of his new role,  I used a couple of diagnostic tools, including a detailed interview based 360-degree  feedback and feedforward with his team and peers.

These stakeholder conversations were particularly insightful and pointed to some clear areas of focus for Rohan :

• Conflict Handling: He was seen as empathetic and patient, but he often avoided conflict and hard conversations
• Consensus-Building: His desire to build consensus delayed decision-making and cast doubt on his decisiveness.
• Executive Presence: He was seen as smart but needed to project more gravitas and confidence.

Transformational Moments: Breakthroughs and Realizations

While sharing the feedback with Rohan , he acknowledged that he preferred consensus and avoided conflict at all costs thereby  affecting his ability to act decisively without a complete buy-in from his entire team

A significant breakthrough came when Rohan connected his early need for acceptance with his current struggles of having to take contentious decisions.  

Understanding what was holding him back and connecting it with this intrinsic part of his personality was an AHA moment for him. He realised that he needed to learn to balance his empathy and desire for approval with the need for effective leadership and needed to build trust through fair and informed decision-making rather than an endless wait for consensus.

Together we devised an actionable plan that could be put into practice immediately : 

• Work on becoming more decisive for quicker and  effective turnaround:

a. To focus on listening to understand, give everyone a chance to give their views and finally making a reasoned decision, by reducing reliance on consensus-building.

b. Focus on the issue rather than the person. When delivering tough messages, be empathetic but firm to ensure delivery timelines and that performance is not compromised

• Work on building his Executive Presence

a. To work on broad basing his domain & industry knowledge which would give him the confidence to deal with clients and the management, with authority.

b. Consciously network both inside and outside his organisation, a crucial requirement in his role as CEO and business head.

Change journey

Rohan was committed to change and growth and owned his goals from the get-go. He enlisted the help of a superior and a peer to stay focused on his goals. He scheduled regular reviews and feedback sessions, deep dives with business units, and ensured he set aside the time committed to external networking and customer interactions.

He practiced conscious listening and probing to improve decisiveness and prepared thoroughly before meetings to make informed decisions. He was a people’s person and could quickly connect with everyone and he used this strength to create an atmosphere of trust and transparency in the team. Fact based decision making helped him handle conflicts well as he was able to stay calm and didn’t succumb to his need for approval.

Visible Changes: Gaining Confidence

Rohan’s progress was soon evident. He diligently adhered to his plan of action  with full ownership and the changes in his work style and decision-making approach were quickly noticeable. Feedback from team members and other stakeholders highlighted visible changes in his demeanour, confidence & decisiveness as well as his ability to create a culture of open communication and trust. Being seen and heard in the right forums, helped him enhance his professional network and influence.

A leader Emerges

Rohan’s journey from an operational expert to a strategic CEO was marked by significant milestones and personal revelations. Goals and action plans tailored to his new role and unique developmental needs helped him develop the skills and confidence to lead effectively, make decisive decisions and project a commanding executive presence , all the while retaining his key strengths of empathy and being approachable.

As he so eloquently put it, “he had now  learned the art of navigating the challenges and demands of his new role without losing the authenticity of who he was and what had brought him here. And the lessons of this were replicable for his future transitions as well”

Rohan’s story of  transformation from an overwhelmed executive to a successful leader underscores the power of timely coaching support especially during tough transitions and the importance of personal authenticity in professional success.

Author – Saroja Kannan, CFI Coach

About the Author

Saroja has worked extensively with C-Level Executives across various verticals, including Financial Services, IT, ITES, Education, and Digital Marketing. She has built powerful, high-growth brands.

“The conscious domain of self-awareness tries to answer the ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions about our behaviour. It is important; it is a great starting point; this work itself requires some effort, and it has its rewards: better self-management, improved relationships with stakeholders, fuller use of our skills etc.”

What is the ‘preparation of the self’ for a coach? What is the ‘inner-work’ required of a coach, and of managers in organizations taking up a coaching role?

This is something I have been reflecting upon ever since CFI invited me to steer its Team Coaching Practice in early 2023.

It is a truism of sorts that coaches need a reasonable degree of self-awareness. But how do we unpack the idea of self-awareness?

I would include two aspects in it: the conscious and the unconscious.

In the conscious domain of self-awareness, we can include our understanding of our own behaviour, attitudes, and values. Together, these three areas constitute what we commonly term as strengths and development areas. The conscious domain of self-awareness tries to answer the ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions about our behaviour. It is important; it is a great starting point; this work itself requires some effort, and it has its rewards: better self-management, improved relationships with stakeholders, fuller use of our skills etc.

If we take the iceberg model of personality, this can be described as that part of the iceberg that is above water, and therefore visible to us.

However, there is another aspect to our inner-work, whether as coaches or as managers donning a coaching hat. This is to delve into what is not so easily visible to us (unconscious), and therefore something that takes more concerted efforts to figure out: our motives that may include gaining recognition, status, or power etc.; and our need for love, validation or salience (importance) etc.

The relationship among motives and needs is often complex: power and recognition, for example, serve as a good compensation for the real or perceived absence of love. As coaches we have to develop some clarity of which of these motives drive our behaviour, and which needs are we particularly susceptible to. Because these motives, together with needs (unconsciously) intervene to influence our behaviour, attitude, and values, and inform our stance as coaches.

My own experience over the years of uncovering my motives and needs has led me to believe that it’s work that is never finished, and that these motives and needs come in the way of all my clarity and good intentions, and determine what I sometimes end up doing as a coach. How much do I intervene? What psychological position do I see my client from? What stops me from offering an interpretation which I know would be helpful, but which I withhold? The answers to all these are usually in the above domain of one’s unconscious motives and needs.

In the iceberg model, this can be said to constitute the bulk of our personality: the part that remains below water, and therefore invisible to us. Working on the unconscious aspects of our personality helps answer the ‘why’ question about our behaviour.    

Daunting as uncovering these unconscious aspects of our personality may seem, it is important for coaches as well as for managers playing a coaching role, to venture into this area of inner-work.

Similar to the work with the conscious aspects of our personality, working with the unconscious aspects has its own rewards: coming unstuck from dysfunctional behavioural patterns; a change in the position from which we operate; and an enduring empathy towards our own foibles and that of others, that stops short of complacency. This layer of inner-work is more stable and enduring, allowing us to proceed, and thus to help others proceed.

Author – Ganesh Anantharaman, CFI Coach

About the Author

Ganesh has 22 years of consulting experience in leadership and organization development. He developed his expertise in the T Group methodology of interpersonal growth through ISABS. His continuing professional interest in individual behaviour and group dynamics has him working with unconscious processes in individuals, groups, & systems using the Group Relations methodology that originated from Tavistock.

He is also currently a psychoanalyst-in-training in the Lacanian orientation. Ganesh authored the book Bollywood Melodies: a history of the Hindi film song (Penguin, 2008) that fetched him the National Award for Best Book of the year.

“If you don’t speak about your triumphs, they may get ignored or get mis-attributed. How to do this right?”

Personal branding, a concept that is 20+ years old is important irrespective of your position in the organization. In the previous module on personal branding I have presented a strong case on why personal branding has to go hand in hand with competence.

Then there is the question that a Coachee asked me ‘You tell me to project my personal brand, but isn’t it just like bragging?’.

Oxford dictionary says that bragging is ‘…to talk too proudly about something you own or something you have done’.

There is bragging and there is humble bragging, its cousin. In either form bragging is bad. And even though Mohamad Ali has said ‘It is not bragging if you can back it up’, I feel bragging is not the way to go if you want to build an authentic personal brand.

This does not mean that you should be quiet about your achievements. If you don’t speak about your triumphs, they may get ignored or get mis-attributed. How to do this right? There are few simple rules to follow.

First we should be proud of our successes. They did not come easy. You had to work hard, think outside the box etc etc. Next we should be strategic when it comes to speaking about them. No point speaking about how you scored a century in your college cricket match when discussing sponsorship deal with an IPL team. Be sure when to speak about your triumphs. And when you speak, speak loudly. So simple rule is be proud, loud and strategic when you are speaking of your triumphs.

Yet another way to speak about your achievements is to not just take them as personal successes but to present them as team effort. Remember most achievements in corporate life are a result of team effort. When you present the product success as the work done by your team, you end up sharing the spotlight. And also get seen as a generous boss who is willing to give up on the glory [There is this wonderful episode from Dr APJ Abdul Kalam’s life where he speaks about his boss and mentor Dr Satish Dhawan. How Dr Dhawan took the failure upon himself while pushing Dr Kalam to the front when the rocket launch was successful].

Finally a little bit of self deprecatory humour will ensure that your proud words will not get classified as ‘bragging’. A touch of levity will make you sound more likeable and authentic.

If we can find our own sweet spot we will be able to talk about our successes without sounding like a braggart. And speaking of our achievements is an important  way of building our personal brand.

Author – Ambi Parameswaran, CFI Coach

About the Author

Ambi Parameswaran is a CFI Certified CEO Coach and a best selling author of 12 books. His latest book ‘All the World’s a Stage’ is a personal branding story.

“This individual strength and competence is the much needed Resilience attribute – required ever so much in Leaders – as they lead their teams through tough times and challenges.“   

The year was 1986. It was a joyous, euphoric time. It was the annual convocation at XLRI – scheduled as always, a year after the passing out year, providing a great homecoming back to the alma mater after a year in the real-world, a chance to meet old friends again in the old familiar environment and relive the nostalgic times. We were all dressed up in the flowing convocation gowns, assembled late evening in the majestic Tata auditorium ready to finally receive our much-anticipated diplomas and hear with bated breath the august speeches of the inspiring leaders that made up the dais.

Before the actual presentations began and after the early speeches, came the address from the Dean of the institute. Many before him spoke loftily and inspiringly on how we could change the world, address key national priorities and address the many gaps that a developing nation needs to address. We listened intently, albeit a little impatiently.

Then came the short, very short address from the Dean of the institute. He had a crisp, intentionally hard-hitting, counter-to-expectations message, as he wished us, in words that I will never forget – “I wish you all a hard and tough time…. (and many seconds later, after a silent, pregnant pause that seemed to stretch to eternity!) ….. for that is what will bring out the best in you”. We were aghast.

We were sure he meant well and the very best for us, but….. there were murmurs in the audience…. but that of course quickly dimmed away in the din and the celebratory aftermath. For me, though, that message has been a constant reminder through the many tough times in my long, professional career even as I have seen my colleagues and fellow career travelers navigate the many bumps on the road. They took the many curved balls that life threw at them, working through them with perseverance and tenacity, at times with boldness and courage, and at other time drawing upon their inner strength, leaning on the shoulders of their well-wishers and compatriots and coming out stronger and even more successful (however you measure success!).

This individual strength and competence is the much needed Resilience attribute – required ever so much in Leaders – as they lead their teams through tough times and challenges. It is the leaders’ ability to take challenges on,  be inspiring and motivating, ‘sense-making’ in increasing un-certain times and bringing together the ‘dynamic capability’ to garner resources, and envision a more positive future that makes happen the ‘new’ with confidence and purpose.  The ability to combine realism with optimism, and demonstrating agility and flexibility helps the leader motivate an entire organization forward.

So often in my long career and even in my shorter Leadership Coaching experience, I have seen leaders who confronted challenges, sought and accepted the more difficult assignments over the more glamorous, come out stronger and carve out a new image and credibility for themselves and their teams. They have used the opportunity of a crisis, treaded the difficult path laden with minefields that could blow up in their faces (or careers), demonstrated courage and led their teams with conviction that so often have seen their careers (along with their teams’) flourish to a new trajectory. They have created fresh pathways opening up to new projects, new initiatives and programs, towards bigger and much tougher roles and assignments too!

A classic and probably extreme recent example of Resilient Leadership comes to mind. Think of the Uttarakhand tunnel collapse accident where 40-human lives were at stake. The Leadership at hand and beyond had to balance the immediate short-term needs of survival (through implementing food and oxygen pipes) while working through longer term solution alternatives. None seemed easy, all had risks – the risks had to be weighed against the chances of success, even as constant evaluation of potentially new alternatives had to be considered that included moving heavy advanced equipment into a fragile environment. Most importantly as hours extended to days and the days extended to weeks (17 days finally!), the key need was to maintain the human contact, communicate constantly that help was coming, keep the spirits and morale of the deflated, anxious, hungry and wet workers in a dim and dark environment, hopeful and supportive of each other.

As one attempt after another failed or struck new obstacles, the leadership challenges surmounted new peaks – keeping the family informed and hopeful, reaching out for help and international expertise, managing and leading escalations to political leadership and global assistance. Finally, in a last ditch attempt, demonstrating admirable strength of conviction and belief in the human spirit and frugal innovation, a team of specialized ‘rat-miners’ were called in to help and ….. how they helped! Using a process considered dangerous and risky, but at the same time fast and possible, the human spirit and endeavor prevailed.

Over the next 24 hours, the miners worked in two teams of three each, with one person drilling, the second collecting the debris and the third pushing it out of the pipe. The rescue was successful on Tuesday evening when all the workers were retrieved from the tunnel, as they were wheeled out by rescuers on stretchers through a 90cm wide steel pipe.

The first human face that emerged from that accident beamed the happiness of a nation, world-wide. The face of a resilient India?

The above example is clearly an outstanding demonstration of resilient leadership that was tested to its utmost!

Clearly Resilience is going to be one of the top few critical leadership competencies in the disruptive, volatile and interesting times ahead…

Author – Dr. Raj Swaminathan, CFI Coach

About the Author

Dr. Raj Swaminathan is an experienced IT Business Leader, CEO & Board Member of a listed company for 10+ years, having led and grown a strong BFSI Product Business with key Global Clients across 50+ countries. Have also had a significant career as CIO across two major Global Banks/Financial Services organizations he led IT Strategy and helped pioneer key Business Products & Programs delivering innovations and game-changing capabilities. He consider his strongest strengths to be building teams, grooming talent (Technical, business & Leadership) and fostering an environment of inclusiveness, camaraderie and meritocracy.

“The best leaders are approachable and accessible. They are truly part of the team and not merely a figurehead.“ 

The need to be accessible is often underestimated while assessing the competency of a Leader.

What is accessibility for a Leader?

Accessibility for a Leader in an organisation context can be defined as the ease with which people in the organisation directly or indirectly connected are able to approach the Leader for a simple conversation or a scheduled meeting. But in real terms accessibility is not just the time one is able to allocate for others but also the mindshare and the willingness to be easily approachable and engage in conversations. It’s often measured by how comfortable people around you feel in approaching you or conveying something to you irrespective of their power distance from you.

If we understand accessibility in the above terms, then, in my experience I have found that Leaders who are more accessible have been more successful overall. They have better networks, are more influential in their organizations and have others relating to them very strongly.

What happens in Organisations

Many Leaders at CXO roles try to bring accessibility into their operations, announcing time slots when their doors are open for anyone to walk in and meet them etc. While this is good, what we’re talking about is when accessibility is more of a natural mindset than a set mode of operation. It can happen when leaders don’t allow the power and authority of their role get into their heads. Instead they nurture the thought that ‘ I am available for others and I too enjoy and learn from conversations with others.’

On many occasions, we find team members discussing how to get into the calendar of their Leader to convey something important. This is an indicator that the CXO is not too accessible. We also often hear Leaders announcing they are not available for specific days because they’re going to be occupied with a particular important event, e.g. Business Planning. This clearly indicates that accessibility as a competency can be improved upon. It’s not too complicated to find short slots, take calls, make quick decisions even during such events, especially if the Leader is inherently willing.

Organisations are coming up with open office space, collaborative space, etc to encourage an open working culture. This is encouraging and necessary to create a suitable environment but not sufficient to realise the much-needed accessibility.

It is a common phenomenon that people in an organisation find it often tough to get the appointments through the Leader’s office staff. A good indicator of accessibility is a welcoming and approachable office and  easier appointments.

Time Management vs Being Accessible

As a Coach, I often find Time Management to be a very common area identified for development in Leaders. Many times, when the Coach delves deeper, the issue most often is not just the art of managing time but the inclination to be available for others and the realisation of how important it is in the making of the Leader.

To be accessible of course requires good time management but beyond that the belief that I am a better Leader if I am more accessible. It is not about playing down my power but rather empowering myself through better networking and building relationships.

Ask yourself

Today, technology has enabled accessibility to knowledge and information to an unimaginable level. We have access to any information at our fingertips. As accessibility to information improves, we realise technology has also grown at a much faster rate – the approach is more collaborative and has contributed to steady growth. As humans and Leaders, are we keeping pace with technology in terms of accessibility ? Isn’t accessibility as a leadership style and competence equally important for a holistic development ?

Author – Sriram TV, CFI Coach

About the Author

Sriram is a Leadership coach focused on business acceleration, talent management and people leadership. He is a Management Consultant and the Practice Head of Prominent Mind Consultants. He has been Vice President of a strong multinational company – HR Strategy, and Head of Human Resources.

If we look around, we will find ample evidence about role of hardship in shaping the character of a leader.

Unfortunately, the popular narrative is quite different. When you search google about the life of a successful leader today, the first few things that pop up are about the leader’s pay, net worth, the beautiful villa they live in, the market capitalization of their company and so on.

Not very often are we led to pay attention to the hardship that they went through for perhaps decades to get there.

The most current and powerful example of this is the co-founder and CEO of NVIDIA, Jensen Huang. The media and public frenzy around him certainly reinforced his image as the Taylor Swift of Tech.

Google him and you find the same things pop up including being one of the richest individuals in the world.

What really touched me was his view on hardship and how it shaped him as a person and leader.

He says he and his co-founders would not have done what they did if they had realized up front “the pain and suffering, the challenges they were going to endure, the embarrassment and the shame and the list of all the things that would go wrong”.

By around August 1997, Nvidia was down to one month of payroll, resulting in the unofficial company motto, “Our company is thirty days from going out of business.”

Recently, in his address at his alma mater, Stanford University, he said, ““For all of you Stanford students, I wish upon you ample doses of pain and suffering.”

He believed in the role of pain, suffering, the tolerance to failure and the resilience to deal with it as key to shape character.

What worries me today is the myth (that is actively encouraged) of quickly starting something and making lots of money. I strongly believe that we owe it to the youth in our country to shape the narrative and help them focus not on the wealth that someone made today but the huge hardship they had to go through for maybe decades to actually get there.

This applies to our mistaken view that hardship at work diminishes engagement. What diminishes engagement is actually the lack of managerial support to deal with hardship, not removal of hardship.

It is this same view that affluent parents have about their children. That if they take away all the hardship (that they went through), they will be seen as a good parent and in return their children will do well.

Hardship has a very important role in shaping character and leadership. That has been my personal experience too. And we need to talk about it as much as we talk about the pot of gold at the other end of that rainbow!

Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/cpWKYg95cEM

“In attempting to answer for oneself the underlying question (How effective, really, am I?), there are two problematic responses that come up.The imposter syndrome Lack of humility“   

How effective am I, really really?
How talented? How competent? How good?
This is a question that I believe is in the minds of a lot of people.

As a coach I present 360º feedback to my clients, and I notice two patterns seemingly in opposite directions, but I believe they are two sides of a coin – underpinned by that one question.

• The first pattern: most people jump ahead to the “areas for improvement” as the first step in reading the report. I urge them to start with their strengths – but I am ignored; they are pulled like moths to that fire. What do people see as ‘wrong’ with me?

• When I discuss these areas with them further, it turns out most people are not surprised seeing those behaviours listed there; but they did not know how ‘big’ an issue they were, how these impacted other people, how noticeable it all was, and so on.

  The 360º feedback results help them calibrate how effective (or not) they are, aided by others’ perceptions. The underlying question is all about How effective (really) am I?

• A second pattern: in 2021 we got 360º feedback (using an online survey) about 465 managers from more than 5500 employees, on 24 leadership behaviours. We had also asked the managers for their self-perceptions. In 21 out of 24 behaviours, self-perceptions are higher than others’ perceptions! (See graph).

  Most of the time, on most parameters in a 360º survey, most people rate themselves higher than others rate them.

  Again, when I discuss this pattern with an individual client, I invariably get a sheepish smile and then some explanation or the other. At the bottom of it all seems to be “I don’t think I am so wonderful at everything. Honestly – I don’t exactly know where I am … and in that case better to err on the higher side rather than rating myself low.” If you don’t know, fake it – seems to be the mantra.

In attempting to answer for oneself the underlying question (How effective, really, am I?), there are two problematic responses that come up.

1. The ‘imposter syndrome’ – the belief that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth. A person in such a situation begins to see themselves as worse than they really are.
2. Lack of humility – the opposite belief is a different kind of problem – arrogance, over-estimation of oneself, false pride. The person begins to see themselves as better than they really are.

The imposter syndrome

A coach told me the story of a client he was working with. The client was in a CXO role but he had some serious concerns that were clogging his path to success:

• He did not have any formal qualifications related to that area;
• He was relatively inexperienced for such a role;
• The vision that the CEO had for the role overwhelmed him

Such concerns are not uncommon – most people have faced such anxieties at some point or other. The point is to not let these obstruct the path to success.

Here are some ways to overcome the imposter syndrome and related problems:

1. Seek anonymous and candid 360º feedback.

A good idea of how others perceive us can help us get a fix on how effective we really are. Often, we only have assumptions on how other people perceive us – leading to erroneous conclusions about our effectiveness.

A 360º feedback survey can give you deep insights on other’s perceptions of you. These insights, in turn, can help you get a firm picture of yourself and your effectiveness.

There are many ways to gather this information. There are excellent sites that can help you set in motion anonymous feedbacks which are worth trying.

2. Reflect on your “self limiting beliefs”, change them to be constructive and positive.

For example, “I am not fully qualified for this role” is not as helpful a self-belief as “I can and will learn the most important skills and knowledge to excel at this role”.

“I am not as good at this as people think I am” is not as helpful as “Others’ expectations of me need to and can be managed by me – whether it is to grow and develop to meet/ exceed those expectations, or negotiate with them to modify those expectations”

3. Talk with someone – a coach/ mentor, close family, and/ or your personal board of directors – and get their help.

If you are already feeling the burden of the imposter syndrome, undertaking the first two tasks can be difficult. Don’t forget – asking for help is a sign of strength! Find and work with a person who can help you put the outputs of steps #1 and #2 into a coherent whole. And help you get a clearer answer to “How good am I, really?”

Exaggerated self-perception – the opposite problem

The idea that you are worse than you really are is one thing; the opposite belief is a different kind of problem – arrogance, over-estimation of oneself, false pride: these are all indicators of a lack of humility.

But there’s more to this. I once asked a client how he could leverage his biggest strength (“technical expertise”) while working on his biggest focus area (“people engagement”). How can you make your expertise more visible to people and build engagement starting with that? His immediate response was that he was not the type of person who bragged about his expertise, and he would rather not choose that path.

This can be seen as some form of ‘pseudo-humility’ – “I know I have huge expertise but I don’t want to brag about it because I value humility”.

Humility has been seen as a virtue in many cultures across the world – from Ancient Greece to Eastern cultures like India and China. Contemporary research reiterates that humility is a powerful leadership quality, even in today’s context.

Unfortunately people nowadays often confuse it with weakness, meekness, being self-effacing or submissive; it is none of these things. Humble people accept they have strengths and talents and are open to leveraging them, while at the same time are fully aware there is much ‘beyond’ to learn and discover.

In the example of the client with high technical expertise, I challenged him to expand his thinking. He came up with: I can offer some training sessions, and also I can mentor a few select youngsters to deep dive into this technical area. And he realised as he talked about it that he would also learn and grow in this process. No bragging, but humility at work!

If you suspect you may believe yourself to be better than you really are, here are two suggestions:

1.Ask for feedback

Especially if you are senior and/ or knowledgeable, it is critical to explicitly seek feedback from others on areas that you can work on, develop and strengthen.A structured 360º feedback survey will help you compare your self-perceptions to others’ perceptions. If your self-perceptions are consistently higher than what others perceive, reflect on why this may be so. Are you overestimating your capabilities, your strengths?

1. Take actions that demonstrate humility, such as:

• Resist talking about/ bragging about your successes.
  How did this change the way people engaged with you?
• Everyday, identify something you did to impress others or show off.
  Stop doing this for a time.Observe changes in yourself, and in the way people engage with you.
• Admit your mistakes and apologise. Even to those junior and/ or younger than you.How does it make you feel? How does this impact the way people engage with you?

In summary – as you reflect on the question “How good am I, really?” neither undervalue your capabilities and strengths, nor overestimate them. Balance, as always, is the key.

Author – Anand Kasturi, CFI Coach

About the Author

Anand Kasturi is an award winning Consultant Trainer and Executive Coach with over 20 years of experience in areas of customer centricity/services management. He has run workshops in countries spanning Asia-Pacific, Australia, UK, Germany and the USA.