Are children from increasingly affluent backgrounds likely to find it harder to discover their purpose or to use the phrase from the book Ikigai, “a reason to jump out of bed each morning.”
I draw from the work of two scholars to make my point: Robert Kegan’s theory of Adult Development and Jeffrey Jensen Arnett’s theory of emerging adulthood.
Let me start with my story.
When I was pursuing under graduation, I discovered my purpose (my ikigai) purely because of economics. My family was going through some very serious financial difficulties, and it became absolutely and urgently necessary to figure out how I will become economically self-sufficient and sort my life out at the earliest. I quickly figured out my talents and abilities, put in all the effort and secure admission into XLRI.
Of course, once in XLRI, I was propelled to upgrade my Ikigai: to excel in academics and build a solid professional foundation. Once I found my first job and moved to Mumbai, my Ikigai evolved further. While my ikigai evolved, economics certainly was the starting point.
I find that for kids growing up in affluent households, economics is no longer the means to discover their ikigai. That has been solved for them.
The other source of motivation for children often was parental and societal pressures and expectations. This is what Kegan called the socialised mind. Traditionally, children did a lot to conform to parental and societal norms to fit in – go to a good college, get a good job and live up to the script written by others.
That has been taken away because of an evolving parenting style. Parents now say “you have the freedom to figure out what you want to do, do what you like, you are the author”. While that is good, there are consequences. Children can take time to figure out their passion and purpose. They may or may not have the tools to self-author. This discovery process can also be emotionally distressing, and kids may not have the life skills to deal with that stress.
This is what Arnett describes as emerging adulthood. He saw the emergence of a new developmental phase between adolescence and adulthood. Arnett says the age between 18 and 29 is the time children are now taking to figure out what they want to do at work and in their personal lives. This period can be hugely developmental but also confusing depending on several factors.
This period can also be very stressful for parents. Especially because parents are no longer wanting to or able to exert pressure and influence.
Parents need the tools and resources to help their children discover their ikigai or purpose. They need the skills to have evolved conversations.
They must encourage their children to acquire the life skills to take decisions and deal with its consequences in an increasingly confusing, misleading and overtly choice filled world where money is no longer the problem.
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/Tao1mtMr6Tk
